Some Events Culminating In A Hostelry Suite
p k palmer
BukToo felt a fervor.
In his heart the longing to be one of the people sang ever, and even when sleeping it gave him dreams of neighbourhoods and farmyards, as his daydreams gave him vistas of merchants and churchgoers. He set his mind to it, to undergo the rites of civiliaty -- to join the other young men of the people and pledge the hand of each one's choosing to the Stated Doctrinium of the Current Department, one of -- if not The -- most popular and esteemed of the peoples' sects.
BukToo attended the
Young Guys' Mass of Nerves orientations. The sessions were a refreshment from the stories told about them. His heart filled with The Cause and he gave his left hand. The Ministre of Robes graced him with a nod and a subtle smile, but after the two days of silences following the rite the Perfect informed him he was sadly rejected due to an unfortunate current surplus of Plus-Six prototypes such as himself being inducted from his region into the Doctrinium.
BukToo was heartbroken
For nearly a week when he came to a knowledge of the people of Can'tlick'emism and understood that they were indeed a people as one. In his heart a longing born thereafter thrived until he believed soon he would burst for the desire was in him to be one of the people.
BukToo Offered to be
Cannonballed by the Hi, Beacon of his area Perish; he was politely reminded that, though all were Swimmers from the first, Swimmers such as himself must start as Base Payers and work the ways Up. If he gave his left ear at the Fest of Morass Congestion, perhaps he could hope for internment as a Plier Boy or a Wrecterine.
Took the Field 'T' Oath and they separated from him his left ear as well as the right foot which he and his fellow aspirants each one's own contributed. When the Coagulism was done and all the Conventioneers had preyed, the Listings of The Acceptive Doctriniumites was read to the Coagulation. The names did not include his.
BukToo went unmentioned
And some told him later that Plus prototypes were almost never indoctnnated, anyway.
BukToo Sulked for a month
Then lit on a notion to join the Slamabod Peoples' Owned Doctrinium, for he had come to understand that the people of Aka shared in the golden common garment of being one of a people. He spent his Fifty-seven Days at an oasis near New Moit in a hotel all night with The D'Oorahh on a Sprawlmat, studying. When he at last learned the Piddish tongue, memorized all The Eighty-one Thousand Nine Hundred and Forty-two Buy Laws, took all fifty-seven seltzer enemas, and limned twelve century's events in Piddish for the Oath of Salmon, he felt sure he was ready for his Cafe Baklavah.
BukToo now realized
He was in a very select group so he kept his past to himself. When well-meaning new brothers asked, he simply smiled and said, "..accident." Everything was well with him until the day after his Cafe Baklavah, where they did seperate the two dozen Slamabod young men each from his own good left nut and scalp.
BukToo was only too
Happy to pay the tithes -- an ounce or two more or less of flesh as it were -- for the fervor grew stronger in him still to be one of a people. On the day after, however, the Rabbits brought him a toupee and apologies: sorry you are a passover for indoctriniumation because now we find that you're a Plus-Six proto and What? What else could it be that you aren't telling, uh? No way... No refunds. Hit the road.
BukToo hit the road hard.
His mind fell far from thoughts of indoctrinating for some time after that, but the longing in his heart was yet -- perhaps moreso -- to be one of some people. He found himself several months later as he trekked the frigid norms in the dead North of winter with a hardened band of Freed Plumbers on a Department sanction of a provincial little burg in Quayhey. By the day they arrived in Siphonn, his heart turned his mind to the teachings of Plac and the study of The Cryptic Failsafe Mysteries. As soon as he was returned home he began his Escalationals in earnest. It came to be rumored that his name was to be called by the great Go'Head at the coming Conflection of Bro '5, held this season at nearby Phuttzrah. He had made it.
BukToo was elated
At the pending honor, and so donated his heels and nose accordingly, as written in The Code of Upincumming Nonconditionality. He wanted all of his -- soon-to-be -- brethren to see him as one of The Morasses, and to honor his stations and channels as he honored theirs. He proudly spent the week before the Rite of Embargo in a trance.
BukToo attended the
Conflection of Bro '5, but the Go'Head said no names at all like his, and it was embarrassing when only he and three others were left urAscended at the banquet. When he left their company, the morasses were all but oblivious to the other two Plus-Sixes and himselt Their Splendorous Rage and The Divine Horror was all heaped upon that disgusting Plus-One proto who dared to apply.
BukToo tried Oh Key
Dough Key and the Monkey Rythms Doctrinium. He gave five mothers-of-four to the former and was almost a year in the hunting, then another two years in the Remittance Cycle, and paid only three toes to Past Life Collections. He gave his navel to the other and a Testimonial Oath Pledge of Promise-Promisingness. Both sent letters of regretful condolences:
BukToo, West Cress Alley
But it seems we could have a problem (ah,) with your indoctrinary viewability. We are very sorry there might have been a problem (uhhm,) in your indoctrinational worth.
BukToo believed he was
Becoming more fond of the company of only himself with every failure to be one of some people. He started to long for the fellowship of others such as he who had also been dissolutioned in fellowship.
BukToo came across a
Band of Apiasts who were teaching every other morning at a runway dug-out. When the transfars came and went the noise was thunderous and the lights spectacular. The Apiasts were teaching Busy Being and BodyHair and they said anyone could Duitt, even with one eye.
BukToo wasn't impressed.
However, his newer perspectives led him to approach the BlueDists, The Greater Doctriniumiad of Joey Mormentum, the Placqtists, and the Systeminary Aryans. He spent some time with the Nondiscretional Quackists, and with the Uns in Boily Grove. His edification was by leaps and bounds expectant. He found small pleasure in every demand from them each, and only grew pensive at each rejection.
BukToo Studied. BukToo
Bled, and with each payment stood in stoic nonscience. Against all the demands and the recriminative stares, in time his longings ever to be one of people atrophied into obsession; a compulsive quest for people who would have him.
BukToo travelled the land.
He sought-out scholars to help him. In Sinnabar he met a Phoffet, but for him the phoffet had no news. His right index finger paid a Plumist in Ava Condo to decipher his good right hand. At the reading, she would hold in her hand his hand only while a silken kerchief stood between their each one's hand. She told him his fortunes bbde well and that a large -- a Huge -- morass of people held sway in his to be.
BukToo found a village
Of Eucaleptics on the way to Melipoda and he stayed a week with them for only an eyetooth. They liked him enough to carefully inform him on friday evening: Saturday was to be the annual Holy Smokes Purgathon and Festivities, the principal entertainment during which was the popular Pyritical Exaltation of the Plus-Sevens, Plus-Sixes, and ALL Plus-One proto scum.
BukToo arrived at dawn
In Melipoda, to the sounds of a parade in the city. It came to him to find a directory of doctrinii, but he opted instead for finding lodging as he just had a long walk through the night. When he installed at a Captain Friendly's, a sign caught his eye by the escalator entrance:
4 U 2
Quasipseudoic Ecobiodynageotronetics Workshops
All Prototypes Welcome
Eight A.M. in The East Bellroom Wing C
BukToo took room Oh Nine
Level Fifteen Wing B. He lost no sleep over events in the nearby bellrooms, and awoke refreshed and with no heart for studies, lectures, seminars, or crowds. He notified the Curtiffs that he was up, and meats were soon delivered. As he ate he perused the papers and fliers they sent with the mealtray.
* Plurality Pluses ! * The Slate of the People *
* For Better Department In Your Area * said one flier. Another premised,
"You Belong to Us, Anyway. Why Not Join
Slate of Demographic Departmentists
Meeting to Elect at Seven P.M. in the South Bellroom Wing H Level Eight
of the elegant Jaded Peasant in Quad Six, Melipoda."
BukToo read of meetings
Of many such politicking people in the daily hardouts. The License Slate. The Morasses Who Are Toiling Forever Slate. The Demographic Fiscalists. The Young Pluralists For MokLaa were having a cookout. The New Justice Of Suicide Consortium was hosting a day- long dance today after the PatBee Day parade in Quad Ten, on Base Level Wing B. He was just looking over an ad for a Melipoda Gals Augmentation Tea in honor of the Current Department and their Benevolent Policies, when a silence -- like an inner resonance -- came upon him all at once and then he became aware of a voice like Magesty from within him.
BukToo marvelled at the
Strength and a Confident Patience he felt in the voice, and it took him several moments to really hear the words which the ever-louding voice spoke from out his heart to him.
BukToo was trembling
As the speech of God moved in him. "BukToo," the voice caressed, "You Are the Oneness Already. You know this is so. You feel the Presence of One Unity about you and hasn't it always Been so. You have sought well and long but only for that you had before your search." The voice was now as clear as that of a friend at his right shoulder might be. "Believe Your Oneness without their Listings. Know the Unity without their Vanities. Come by Me With You on Our Own Ways, for it is and will be so that you also are Much Beloved One of Peoples, just as All Are. Come."
BukToo Spoke it out loud.
"What will I offer to tithe my enrollment, 0 Voice of God? I spent almost all my organic worth seeking these many years. I do not have portions enough to spend, now... Not enough ears to pay heed with.,. Not enough arms to secure us with.., Not enough fingers to find purchase on the rock of
honor you place before me." "It is no matter,
BukToo," the Lord's Voice smiled;
"That is precisely the Cost of That you sought and found to be already in your home ere you went seeking. Come. Your tickets are paid for." And thus,
BukToo Checked out.